Heya...

Well lets just say that I hate the government but appreciate them all the same....lol...Just so much mucking around when it comes to organising benefits from them ...but then I suppose they need to be sure about where their money is going.....
Anyway other than that it has been a long day A* has been just so miserable most of the day ...I half think his coming down with something...or maybe his molars are starting to show...it is that age....will check that asap....
Anyway....mentally feeling really exhausted one minute, then really refreshed the next....to much to think about all at once but as long as I keep doing and not just thinking I will be alright...
I find that when I sit and think about everything that has to be done and everything that could go wrong...it is really overwhelming....I tend to have the problem of thinking about all the what ifs in life, and always be prepared for the worst....people misunderstand that, they think that I am a pessimist because I always try and think of the worst that could happen....but the thing is I don't only just think about the worst ...I think and prepare myself for the eventuality of it....by doing this I feel positive ...because I feel prepared for the worst...also I find that by expecting the worst I am never let down...or things that would normally feel absolutely horrible in my mind could be worse, so there for ...I am usually happy with what life throws at me because things don't usually end up as bad as I imagined....I discovered long ago that I have a wild imagination...lol...
A curse and a cure at the same time....a cure in the sense that, That because of it I can only succeed....*If you can think it you can do it*....type thing....also a curse because sometimes my imagination runs away with me ....and yeah just annoying....but that's just me...lol....

Other than that days feel long...but at the same time are going really fast....I can't wait until Sergio arrives this Sunday morning then Ivone is gonna be here on the Wednesday after so my support will be here in place again...god I miss those two people so much......What I feel like is a couple of days of just nothing....mmmm some time to be just me.....

To just enjoy being free...

I feel like for the last 8 years my life was predictable and I always new what to expect the next week...now I feel like I don't know whats gonna happen from one day to the next....and for some-one that likes to be prepared...this is proving a hard situation to deal with...but I am so like I said ...just gonna do ...and sit and think to much...because the more I think the more I stress....and then the less motivated I feel....then it just becomes a cycle so...what I need to do is just stop it short at the start...before I let myself get to the second level of just thinking......

JUST DO...

Anyway enough I think I am just getting my random thoughts out at the moment...not really posing any theories...just venting....
Talking about theories though.......That one where I mentioned "If you take failure out of the variables in your life ...all that's left to do is succeed...that one I came to sitting at the beach last Monday.....I had written in the sand I am going to do it.....and I was imagining what my perception of failure would be....Well for me it would be.....Not follow my dreams and just claim that life is to hard, ending thinking and believing that life fucked me over...that it owed me something.....Just surviving and not living life to the fullest.....showing my kids that you can just give up in life.....


NO NO NO ......

I want everything the opposite to that...I want to TRY to follow my dreams and goals no matter how hard it is.....I don't care how hard life is or what it throws at me I won't give up...no matter how much I feel that life is just to much...I will never believe that it owes me anything...I owe it....I will never let myself just survive.....unless that is the only option in a crisis situation.....
I want to show my children that no matter the adversity....keep fighting......

That is my success.....and obviously to be a millionaire....lol...but isn't that every body's dream....

anyway its late will catch ya later.....