Okay

So mentally I feel I am in a good place right now, I feel that I have the right outlook and also the the right perspective....but I also feel mentally exhausted and at first was confusing that with signs of depression...though I have realised it's not....I just feel that because the last 6 months have been so intense mentally, in other wards mostly mentally orientated then coupled with the fact that in the last 3 months I have been exercising like a demon and now if you had a photo of even 3 months ago I am half the size...but a healthy size ....I am happy with my self image so far...an impressed that I have stuck out the exercise routine I have set and continue to do so....something I have never been able to do before in my life.....

Anyway as I was saying I think because the last 6 months have been so intense ...I have now hit a stage where I can relax a little and start to calm again and I am finding that some days my mind is refreshed and full of ideas, I am inspired and motivated and then others all I want to do is just sit and do nothing and think nothing....because I can...it's like my mind just needs those days of nothingness at the moment so it can recoup...because I am finding that I have a day like that then for about 3 or 4 days afterwards I am full of beans....

At first like I said I was worried that it was a sign of depression but no I am finding more and more that it is just my mind re adjusting to functioning on normal levels and not so deep all the time.....Like I mentioned quite a few times in previous posts that my mind needed to be on such deep levels of thinking because that is where the truth lies in yourself and sometimes in life you have to re-evaluate your positions and your feeling and thoughts something I never realised could be a useful procedure....but I feel that if people did it on a regular basis ...(like every few years) they and their life would be full of so much more honesty and happiness...because you will then find that it doesn't allow you to live in denial for overly long periods of time....and also when I say that I think that it is really easy to fall into a pattern of living in denial because us humans trend to try to find the easy way out of any given situation.....hence the reason we constantly are inventing things that make life simpler and easier.....

I like the fact that not only in the lats 6 months I dealt with everything in my current situation but have also dealt with a few issues in my past...I feel that I am moving onto the next stage or chapter of my life with a clean slate......mentally and emotionally....I am so happy and refreshed
that I am finding it hard to even put into words the way I feel to Ivone and Sergio.....who for all of your information ARE BACK WOOOOHOOO....lol...bout bloody time....
Anyway they are great and I am so happy that they are back in my immediate life....but in some ways i feel that I have past the stages of when I really needed them and am also happy that I went through all that relatively alone....because yes once again it has made me much stronger and also much more self reliant emotionally plus I feel that my confidence levels have sky rocketed and I am feeling so happy in myself something I don't think I have felt since before I did drugs....in some ways I feel like I have come full circle and this time i have the maturity and perspective lessons that i need in order to make the right decisions in life....he he he hopefully....

WE LIVE AND LEARN CONSTANTLY.......

Anyway gonna go me and the kids have some bug at the moment all three of us are sick as dogs....so gonna get them into bed and then I will be following suit.......

Check ya's
xxxx