LOL...I feel like I am talking to a friend when I write in here ....oh well it feels good to be able to put stuff down and get it out.....which I only found out recently.....ok so now i know why people keep diaries....i just never had faith in dairies because people always ended up reading them....and I know that I am able to talk generally enough to not give to much away but still get my message across...so that's why I like his blog....anyway...was talking to Serg....woohoo and got some great support from him...which i knew I would...was just a matter of getting enough time to talk properly....so yeah that was refreshing...also told him about this idea I have had and he thinks it's great...so this week I am gonna go out and get some canvases.....and start this....I can't wait I have all these really cool ideas....and I have the newest ranges of Basic Grey coming this week so will be able to get really creative on all fronts....also hopefully my cuttle bug comes this week...extra texture all good...also another order of stuff I put through last week should be here tomorrow....I so can't wait....I am going to need a tonne of paper mache....might get onto that first thing tomorrow so that it's all dry by the time I start....I think I have enough decoupage and sealant for now....but will definitely need more....and lots of canvases........
Anyway on another note I did some deep soul searching today and have made even more decisions...though I still don't know if they were right, but I hate having to go back and forth between options...I like to make the choice and follow through on it....though this choice was extremely hard because it's not something I want to gamble with....it's to precious....lol....who ever reads this will have about a million assumptions....about what the hell I am on about...that's ok though....just as long as I know what I am talking about that's all that matters....he he he...
Anyway yes I still might change my mind but yeah I don't know will have to see how things go....anyway life is the way it is so I am just going to do what I can with it.....
Wow...what a full on time ....full of coincidences, realisations and decisions....just wow...I am so glad that I have been through harder times than this, otherwise I think I wouldn't have had the pespective to keep it together.....just too much happening all at once.....
OK so will be back and forthing with the new sponsor tomorrow planning some ways of bringing her in on the site....lets just say I am interested because she is full of ideas and Anthea another really great girl will be in on this one.....so that will be fun....he he he...
Ok blabbed enough about nthing really.....just not that tired tonight....is it a full moon.....
bye
Sunday, August 31, 2008
awww...
I found out last night that Sergio will not be doing Everest because of some severe weather conditions......oh well it's a good thing that they take this into consideration.....He is spewing because he has to go back to Nepal for another 2 weeks....he says that it was a great experience but 3 months is enough and he is sick of the disease and the really basic food and he says he feels weak from not enough nutrients....man I give it to him....
ALSO he won't be back now until the 10th of November.....god damn man....I want my brother back.... but that's being awfully selfish isn't it....so what I am allowed to rant....lol...Now I am being just a tad bit petulant....lmao...ok so I am going to get off this thread other wise I just keep analysing every thought...lol....What a way to go insane....
So what a miserable day....all grey and cold and rainy...the kids are going berserk....and I don't have the patience for it today....all I want to do it curl up in bed and sleep..... I wish I could do that for just one day....I forget what it feels like to spend a day in bed and enjoy watching movies or just relaxing ...no need to get up unless I want something to eat or go to the loo.......oooohhh now I do remember and it's even worse....ggggrr...lol
So now I am gonna change the subject...lol...Otherwise, I will do it and you could call docs on me, because I would be neglecting the little ones....lol....
So that idea that I was talking about yesterday is really working itself out in my mind...so I am very excited...I know that Serg has some interesting photo's of night life in the city....plus some very different ones of the beach at night...so will have get those and have a browse....also I am planning to spend next weekend drivng around taking some different shots of "life".....Poor people won't know what hit them....yes I will be asking people to let me take photo's of them depending on what I feel I need........Look out Sydney...he he he....
Anyway might see if Jess feels up for a drive...she has an interesting perspective and I think she would be very productive with some ideas...but then again maybe I should just do it for myself and enjoy some me time....mmmm...I will see how I feel...
Talking about Jess she is coming over tuesday...will need to grab some drinks....don't forget Tina....lol....Yes thats right I talk to myself ....I will admit it...I have no shame in that...lol....
Anyway gonna go.....bye
ALSO he won't be back now until the 10th of November.....god damn man....I want my brother back.... but that's being awfully selfish isn't it....so what I am allowed to rant....lol...Now I am being just a tad bit petulant....lmao...ok so I am going to get off this thread other wise I just keep analysing every thought...lol....What a way to go insane....
So what a miserable day....all grey and cold and rainy...the kids are going berserk....and I don't have the patience for it today....all I want to do it curl up in bed and sleep..... I wish I could do that for just one day....I forget what it feels like to spend a day in bed and enjoy watching movies or just relaxing ...no need to get up unless I want something to eat or go to the loo.......oooohhh now I do remember and it's even worse....ggggrr...lol
So now I am gonna change the subject...lol...Otherwise, I will do it and you could call docs on me, because I would be neglecting the little ones....lol....
So that idea that I was talking about yesterday is really working itself out in my mind...so I am very excited...I know that Serg has some interesting photo's of night life in the city....plus some very different ones of the beach at night...so will have get those and have a browse....also I am planning to spend next weekend drivng around taking some different shots of "life".....Poor people won't know what hit them....yes I will be asking people to let me take photo's of them depending on what I feel I need........Look out Sydney...he he he....
Anyway might see if Jess feels up for a drive...she has an interesting perspective and I think she would be very productive with some ideas...but then again maybe I should just do it for myself and enjoy some me time....mmmm...I will see how I feel...
Talking about Jess she is coming over tuesday...will need to grab some drinks....don't forget Tina....lol....Yes thats right I talk to myself ....I will admit it...I have no shame in that...lol....
Anyway gonna go.....bye
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Well....
There I was sitting at the bus stop in Parramatta, having a coffee and ciggi, waiting to get my nails done....and I look at the the lights which had just turned green for the pedestrians....and an idea hits me BAM.....
First I thought wow what an awesome shot that would be people walking across the crossing going in all opposite directions....how symbolic....Then I thought how I could I scrap that....but thought I could scrap it but what a concept it is ...and I would like to do something on a larger scale, like canvases with photo's and lots of textures and paint and stuff, then I started thinking about what I would title that and how I would theme it...and I started thinking People walk, yeah....could work with that and create a whole thing like people walk, people talk, people eat, people love....and so on and maybe I will do that soon....
then I moved onto thinking about Sydney and doing a series of canvases incorporating shots of the Sydney that's not advertised and promoted, like a beggar sleeping on a bench, the people crossing at the lights, the old building's and architecture...and so on....also something I would like to eventually do......but then I thought about my life and everything that's going on in it so...I decided to use some of the concepts and life lessons that I have been writing about....and try and incorporate them in to the works.... Then walking to the nail place I decided to carry the name life flutter's through out it and it fits all so well.....ooohhhh I am so excited....
So I have decided that this is definitely something that I would love to do, it feels like this idea is calling to me ...I feel like I need to do this.....so you know what I will.....
So first things first get out there and take some photo's....secondly source some places that can print the images onto different sized canvases at a reasonable price....then comes the really fun part putting it altogether in a massive dimensional piece and getting messy with it..... I can't wait.....
Yeah baby....I will do all three of these and then I might get Jess and Serg in on this part and hold a gallery auction or gallery display....maybe make quite a bit out of this....mmmmmm thinking....thinking.......
First I thought wow what an awesome shot that would be people walking across the crossing going in all opposite directions....how symbolic....Then I thought how I could I scrap that....but thought I could scrap it but what a concept it is ...and I would like to do something on a larger scale, like canvases with photo's and lots of textures and paint and stuff, then I started thinking about what I would title that and how I would theme it...and I started thinking People walk, yeah....could work with that and create a whole thing like people walk, people talk, people eat, people love....and so on and maybe I will do that soon....
then I moved onto thinking about Sydney and doing a series of canvases incorporating shots of the Sydney that's not advertised and promoted, like a beggar sleeping on a bench, the people crossing at the lights, the old building's and architecture...and so on....also something I would like to eventually do......but then I thought about my life and everything that's going on in it so...I decided to use some of the concepts and life lessons that I have been writing about....and try and incorporate them in to the works.... Then walking to the nail place I decided to carry the name life flutter's through out it and it fits all so well.....ooohhhh I am so excited....
So I have decided that this is definitely something that I would love to do, it feels like this idea is calling to me ...I feel like I need to do this.....so you know what I will.....
So first things first get out there and take some photo's....secondly source some places that can print the images onto different sized canvases at a reasonable price....then comes the really fun part putting it altogether in a massive dimensional piece and getting messy with it..... I can't wait.....
Yeah baby....I will do all three of these and then I might get Jess and Serg in on this part and hold a gallery auction or gallery display....maybe make quite a bit out of this....mmmmmm thinking....thinking.......
Friday, August 29, 2008
ok so...
I am so feeling on top of things and I know that this is not just a mood....lol..I have tested my self the last few days and am feeling great...anyway...I managed to land another sponsor for the site so am feeling tops about that....I know that their are two others in the works and that's even better....
I feel like I have been neglecting this poor little blog...lol...But haven't felt the need to express to much at the moment.....
Well as I write my poor bro is doing Everest and I must say that I am so impressed and proud of that guy...he really is out there to discover his limits in life....
It's funny how we all discover our limits differently....
Me, I know myself inside and out, I know how I work I know what makes me tick, I know my limits.....and I learnt it all in a very hard way.....I think that once you have hit the bottom the only way is up, and in the end you can only rely on yourself to do whats right by you..... Like I mentioned on my belief list ...we all have a choice in the way we feel, think, say and do....and if you can get one step ahead of yourself ...you will always have that perspective to do what you think is right.....
The problem comes in when you are hit with unexpected events and then all you can do is feel....it takes time to rationalise and think everything through....then comes the decision making.....but that's not the end you have to become or be strong in the decision's you make or have made, otherwise you will lose faith in yourself and your confidence will ebb.....but once you have passed all of these things you will grow....as I have and continue to do....
I have recently been through one of these periods in life...a transition phase where ultimately I have made life altering decision's and through out this period I was more vulnerable than I thought....but I believed and continue to believe that, and only because I have been at rock bottom before, that I can handle anything.....if I set my mind to it...so this is what I am doing...and now that I am strong again in myself and the choices I have made and have reached a level of acceptance in myself and my decisions I feel that I am ready......
So like I said bring it on world....lol...
So I met up with a very dear friend last week and it was great to catch up with her.....She has some serious shit going on in her life, and I thought my life was complicated....poor thing I really missed her a great deal....and I am glad that I can be there for her in a time when she really needs a friend....
So anyway I will jump off got some scrapping to a dead line to do...so will catch ya later....
I feel like I have been neglecting this poor little blog...lol...But haven't felt the need to express to much at the moment.....
Well as I write my poor bro is doing Everest and I must say that I am so impressed and proud of that guy...he really is out there to discover his limits in life....
It's funny how we all discover our limits differently....
Me, I know myself inside and out, I know how I work I know what makes me tick, I know my limits.....and I learnt it all in a very hard way.....I think that once you have hit the bottom the only way is up, and in the end you can only rely on yourself to do whats right by you..... Like I mentioned on my belief list ...we all have a choice in the way we feel, think, say and do....and if you can get one step ahead of yourself ...you will always have that perspective to do what you think is right.....
The problem comes in when you are hit with unexpected events and then all you can do is feel....it takes time to rationalise and think everything through....then comes the decision making.....but that's not the end you have to become or be strong in the decision's you make or have made, otherwise you will lose faith in yourself and your confidence will ebb.....but once you have passed all of these things you will grow....as I have and continue to do....
I have recently been through one of these periods in life...a transition phase where ultimately I have made life altering decision's and through out this period I was more vulnerable than I thought....but I believed and continue to believe that, and only because I have been at rock bottom before, that I can handle anything.....if I set my mind to it...so this is what I am doing...and now that I am strong again in myself and the choices I have made and have reached a level of acceptance in myself and my decisions I feel that I am ready......
So like I said bring it on world....lol...
So I met up with a very dear friend last week and it was great to catch up with her.....She has some serious shit going on in her life, and I thought my life was complicated....poor thing I really missed her a great deal....and I am glad that I can be there for her in a time when she really needs a friend....
So anyway I will jump off got some scrapping to a dead line to do...so will catch ya later....
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Some things I believe...
I believe that there is life on other planets...or galaxies
I believe that today is the first day of the rest of your life...
I believe that life is full of opportunities for good and bad ...it's just a matter of which you take....
I believe that you have a choice in everything you feel, think, say or do....
I believe that you are never truly alone...
I believe that Love is rare when it is between a man and a woman....
I believe that if you find love you should never ignore it...
I believe that a man should chase the woman...I suppose I am a traditionalist....
I believe that in life you should never give up no matter how hard....
I believe that life was never meant to be easy....
I believe you have to work hard for what you want....
I believe that adversity won't just build character it will reveal it....
I believe that every-one has some good in them....
I believe that you can't choose your family but you can certainly choose your friends...
I believe every-one has a right to there own opinions....
I believe that people shouldn't force there opinions and beliefs onto others...
I believe that every-one and everything has rights...
I believe that patience is a virtue...
I believe that persistence is the key...
I believe you should fight for what you believe is right....
I believe that you only get one life and you should make the most of it while you can....
I believe that children are innocent...
I believe that children are precious....
I believe that children are our future, so we should help them make the best decisions for their own personal growth and also the planets...
I believe that we as adults set examples that kids will follow ...good and bad...
I believe that beauty is in the eye of the beholder...
I believe that compassion and understanding is the key to peace on earth...
I believe that you should always put yourself in another's persons shoes before you pass judgements...
I believe that first impressions last no matter if it is right or wrong, it's just the way we work as humans...
I believe that animals have will, they just have to be encouraged to use it.....
I believe that time is all one continuous thing, but us humans feel the need to sector it off in days, weeks months and years because we crave uniformity or order....
I believe every-one flourishes under routine no matter how strict or loose it is....we all have our little ways...
I believe that the world would be a very boring place if we were all the same or did the same thing...
I believe you should always follow your dreams ....there is always a way....
These are just a few...lol...I had a quick look at the length and thought shit better get off this thing....and I suppose I had better cook some dinner...lol....
I believe that today is the first day of the rest of your life...
I believe that life is full of opportunities for good and bad ...it's just a matter of which you take....
I believe that you have a choice in everything you feel, think, say or do....
I believe that you are never truly alone...
I believe that Love is rare when it is between a man and a woman....
I believe that if you find love you should never ignore it...
I believe that a man should chase the woman...I suppose I am a traditionalist....
I believe that in life you should never give up no matter how hard....
I believe that life was never meant to be easy....
I believe you have to work hard for what you want....
I believe that adversity won't just build character it will reveal it....
I believe that every-one has some good in them....
I believe that you can't choose your family but you can certainly choose your friends...
I believe every-one has a right to there own opinions....
I believe that people shouldn't force there opinions and beliefs onto others...
I believe that every-one and everything has rights...
I believe that patience is a virtue...
I believe that persistence is the key...
I believe you should fight for what you believe is right....
I believe that you only get one life and you should make the most of it while you can....
I believe that children are innocent...
I believe that children are precious....
I believe that children are our future, so we should help them make the best decisions for their own personal growth and also the planets...
I believe that we as adults set examples that kids will follow ...good and bad...
I believe that beauty is in the eye of the beholder...
I believe that compassion and understanding is the key to peace on earth...
I believe that you should always put yourself in another's persons shoes before you pass judgements...
I believe that first impressions last no matter if it is right or wrong, it's just the way we work as humans...
I believe that animals have will, they just have to be encouraged to use it.....
I believe that time is all one continuous thing, but us humans feel the need to sector it off in days, weeks months and years because we crave uniformity or order....
I believe every-one flourishes under routine no matter how strict or loose it is....we all have our little ways...
I believe that the world would be a very boring place if we were all the same or did the same thing...
I believe you should always follow your dreams ....there is always a way....
These are just a few...lol...I had a quick look at the length and thought shit better get off this thing....and I suppose I had better cook some dinner...lol....
Blah...ha ha ha
Ok so I have woken up feeling great.....lol.....I don't know what I was thinking...the last few days have been intense mentally and I think combined with that plus having the monthly visitor...and being sick and just generally tired all added to my mood yesterday....Depression...blah...no way man I know I have a good support frame in my mind at the moment what was I thinking...lol...ok yes very down...the downest I have been in a while...so will need to keep an eye out for that...but nah I feel really good today and I feel like I could take on the world....so bring it on....
Anyway ...I have some new thoughts I want to write down, but that will have to wait need to do my rounds...will be back soon....
Anyway ...I have some new thoughts I want to write down, but that will have to wait need to do my rounds...will be back soon....
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Well...
What a day....not much happened except my parents came back...good because I really missed them and Ivone is now allowed to talk again....wooohooo....but she still won't be back for a month....My poor dear brother is freaking out because he will start his climb to base camp Everest this week-end....and all I want to do is give him a big hug and tell him everything will be alright.....but I can't because he's there and I am here....aaaawww...I feel sad now I really can't wait to have him back in OZ....only 7 weeks.....only...mmmmm....
Other than that my mind has been roller coasting again....one moment I am fully confident then the next I am freaking out...yes I know early signs of depression for me...but that's fine I have a plan A and plan B in built in myself to combat any signs of depression having dealt with it so often....so plan A distraction....do relaxing and uplifting things, think about the exact reasons that are making me feel down and deal with them......though I am finding the confusion on various subjects hard to deal with at the moment......Plan B....let the mood run it's course and if it takes more than 2 weeks to disappear then seek help from any-one.....lol.....Ok so yeah...I don't think I am there yet, though I hate feeling as if I just don't know what the next day is going to bring....I hate waiting for the next "mood" to hit, and I am not talking about my own.....ggggrrrr....
anyway....just gotta ignore the shit.....and keep going....
I scrapped today I did a lay-out in like 2 hours that's pretty good....It is using a birthday shot of Cody that I love and it's just so cute I think the design of the lay-out is a very simple one and I could of had it done quicker if I didn't have to wait for things to dry...but all good....anyway now I feel like I am talking to myself so I am gonna go...because otherwise I will never get off this comp.....
Other than that my mind has been roller coasting again....one moment I am fully confident then the next I am freaking out...yes I know early signs of depression for me...but that's fine I have a plan A and plan B in built in myself to combat any signs of depression having dealt with it so often....so plan A distraction....do relaxing and uplifting things, think about the exact reasons that are making me feel down and deal with them......though I am finding the confusion on various subjects hard to deal with at the moment......Plan B....let the mood run it's course and if it takes more than 2 weeks to disappear then seek help from any-one.....lol.....Ok so yeah...I don't think I am there yet, though I hate feeling as if I just don't know what the next day is going to bring....I hate waiting for the next "mood" to hit, and I am not talking about my own.....ggggrrrr....
anyway....just gotta ignore the shit.....and keep going....
I scrapped today I did a lay-out in like 2 hours that's pretty good....It is using a birthday shot of Cody that I love and it's just so cute I think the design of the lay-out is a very simple one and I could of had it done quicker if I didn't have to wait for things to dry...but all good....anyway now I feel like I am talking to myself so I am gonna go...because otherwise I will never get off this comp.....
Ok so the past.....
Ok so yesterday I posted a question about why I let memories get to me....and thinking about that answer I came t o this.....
Your past is a part of you for better or worse...your past is what has made you who are today...it all effects you for better or worse, but the choice comes in where you have to decide to change what has happened into a good or bad influence in your life....I have made the choice long ago that everything that has ever happened in my life I was going to turn into a good or helpful lessons....try and turn it all around and make a conscious effort to believe that everything bad that has ever happened to me, has happened for a reason and that in the end it has all made me a stronger person...this has worked....it has definitely made me a stronger person...but some-days and they are few and far between now, the actual horribleness of each and every individual memory is relived or re-remembered ....with-out the silver lining.....and if your not careful they can swallow up your will..... I am more prone to these days if I am stressed or just generally not feeling good about myself....I have noticed...so now I will try and remember that on these days distraction is the best key....
I also want to touch on a related subject ...it just astounds me how powerful your memories are....I know that in my life there is allot that I consciously suppressed and there's even more that my mind did all on it's own....The stuff that I consciously suppressed I have let loose quite a few years ago when I had a year and half of consoling, this was the best thing that I have ever done for myself....the clarity, the maturity, the lessons that were formed in that time has shaped and amazed me beyond anything that I could put into words.....
Now the stuff that my mind unconsciously suppressed is a different story this stuff doesn't come back just because I willing to remember it or because I am ready to deal with what ever it is.....this stuff comes back when ever it feels like....It's like this stuff waits until you've reached and removed certain road blocks in your life or mind and then decides that it feels you are ready to handle it .....So in effect you could be perfectly content and then BAM some memory plays itself out in your mind. This is and can cause quite a shock to the system...but I must say that this has never happened when I couldn't handle it or wasn't prepared to deal with it, I have never found that I couldn't deal with it....so maybe my mind is allot more deeper than even I could possibly try and imagine......
WOW UNRELATED - THOUGHT/MIND LAYERS......,..
It does take me a while though, first I acknowledge that these things happened otherwise how could I remember it...then in a process that can take anywhere from an hour to even months...I think about these relevations and then anylise them ...then once I am in a sense over it ...I either decide to use it or not....in the sense of, are they really relevent to my life at the present and can I learn from it...or is it really not that important, and trying to deal with it outwardly may cause more damage than good......
So anyway these are just a few of my musings on this subject, there is alot more but for now this will suffice in my mind....to answer that Question...about why people and memories are able to affect me so badly.......
gotta take Cody to pre-school...catch ya
Your past is a part of you for better or worse...your past is what has made you who are today...it all effects you for better or worse, but the choice comes in where you have to decide to change what has happened into a good or bad influence in your life....I have made the choice long ago that everything that has ever happened in my life I was going to turn into a good or helpful lessons....try and turn it all around and make a conscious effort to believe that everything bad that has ever happened to me, has happened for a reason and that in the end it has all made me a stronger person...this has worked....it has definitely made me a stronger person...but some-days and they are few and far between now, the actual horribleness of each and every individual memory is relived or re-remembered ....with-out the silver lining.....and if your not careful they can swallow up your will..... I am more prone to these days if I am stressed or just generally not feeling good about myself....I have noticed...so now I will try and remember that on these days distraction is the best key....
I also want to touch on a related subject ...it just astounds me how powerful your memories are....I know that in my life there is allot that I consciously suppressed and there's even more that my mind did all on it's own....The stuff that I consciously suppressed I have let loose quite a few years ago when I had a year and half of consoling, this was the best thing that I have ever done for myself....the clarity, the maturity, the lessons that were formed in that time has shaped and amazed me beyond anything that I could put into words.....
Now the stuff that my mind unconsciously suppressed is a different story this stuff doesn't come back just because I willing to remember it or because I am ready to deal with what ever it is.....this stuff comes back when ever it feels like....It's like this stuff waits until you've reached and removed certain road blocks in your life or mind and then decides that it feels you are ready to handle it .....So in effect you could be perfectly content and then BAM some memory plays itself out in your mind. This is and can cause quite a shock to the system...but I must say that this has never happened when I couldn't handle it or wasn't prepared to deal with it, I have never found that I couldn't deal with it....so maybe my mind is allot more deeper than even I could possibly try and imagine......
WOW UNRELATED - THOUGHT/MIND LAYERS......,..
It does take me a while though, first I acknowledge that these things happened otherwise how could I remember it...then in a process that can take anywhere from an hour to even months...I think about these relevations and then anylise them ...then once I am in a sense over it ...I either decide to use it or not....in the sense of, are they really relevent to my life at the present and can I learn from it...or is it really not that important, and trying to deal with it outwardly may cause more damage than good......
So anyway these are just a few of my musings on this subject, there is alot more but for now this will suffice in my mind....to answer that Question...about why people and memories are able to affect me so badly.......
gotta take Cody to pre-school...catch ya
Monday, August 25, 2008
Hey....
Ok so I have calmed down now....he he he.....but have thought of something else that I want to write about......
Good ...Right and wrong... bad..
Do you think that these four things are the same in the sense that Good and right are the same thing and Bad and wrong are the same.....???
Well I don't. I think that each of these things is different.....especially when you apply them to the choices you make in life.....I have always said that people should do what's right for them selves or stay true to themselves....but recently having a discussion about this I came to realize that that is not necessarily the right thing to do...because if you apply that to some-one who is not mentally stable or sane...and they think that doing right by themselves means they have to kill their parents or something...then wheres the logic....so I think that in changing that belief to always do what you think is good and right by yourself and other people would be a more accurate and productive....
I think that good and bad are things that people take into consideration before they make decisions and I also think that right and wrong are more out-comes of decision making....but then again if you switch that around it can also work.....
But the whole point is that they completely different things....
anyway enough on that subject.....just was thinking about it, is all....
Good ...Right and wrong... bad..
Do you think that these four things are the same in the sense that Good and right are the same thing and Bad and wrong are the same.....???
Well I don't. I think that each of these things is different.....especially when you apply them to the choices you make in life.....I have always said that people should do what's right for them selves or stay true to themselves....but recently having a discussion about this I came to realize that that is not necessarily the right thing to do...because if you apply that to some-one who is not mentally stable or sane...and they think that doing right by themselves means they have to kill their parents or something...then wheres the logic....so I think that in changing that belief to always do what you think is good and right by yourself and other people would be a more accurate and productive....
I think that good and bad are things that people take into consideration before they make decisions and I also think that right and wrong are more out-comes of decision making....but then again if you switch that around it can also work.....
But the whole point is that they completely different things....
anyway enough on that subject.....just was thinking about it, is all....
Why ????
Why do I feel so in control and confident of myself and my decision's one day then the next I feel like I'm about to lose grip on everythig that I have worked so hard to achieve...why do I let people and memories get to me ......????? Why am I even feeling like this and why ...does it matter any-more....why why why....I feel like I need to dance.....
Ok I need to vent.....
Why????
Why do people say things that they don't mean....why do people say that they care, and then act like they don't ....why do people ACT like they are interested when they are not.....and why do people hurt you and then say sorry ....but do it all over again......Why do people do this to other people is it because they are so selfish that they can't even try and think about what their actions will do to others....don't they know that you can talk the talk...but you have to be able to walk the talk too.....Are these actions derived from a constant need to show that they have power over some one else in any shape or form....and do they feel that by saying things that are untrue and by constantly lying that people will always believe them......haven't they heard the boy who cried wolf story......Do they feel insecure in themselves but feel that by being mean makes them feel stronger....or more in control.........god why take it out on other people.....
But what I really should be asking WHY I let these people get to me........
" Does a person make you angry
or do you let them make you angry"
John Rebelo....thanx dad
Why do people say things that they don't mean....why do people say that they care, and then act like they don't ....why do people ACT like they are interested when they are not.....and why do people hurt you and then say sorry ....but do it all over again......Why do people do this to other people is it because they are so selfish that they can't even try and think about what their actions will do to others....don't they know that you can talk the talk...but you have to be able to walk the talk too.....Are these actions derived from a constant need to show that they have power over some one else in any shape or form....and do they feel that by saying things that are untrue and by constantly lying that people will always believe them......haven't they heard the boy who cried wolf story......Do they feel insecure in themselves but feel that by being mean makes them feel stronger....or more in control.........god why take it out on other people.....
But what I really should be asking WHY I let these people get to me........
" Does a person make you angry
or do you let them make you angry"
John Rebelo....thanx dad
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Poetic Reasoning
Poetic reasoning is what you do when you, work out a problem with a quote...or should I say not so much as work out a problem, but identify a struggle in life with a quote or poem, and in effect use that quote/poem to work through it......This is a hard concept to explain so forgive me if I word something wrong....but I will try and explain it from an example....
When I was younger around 16/17 I had allot of crap going on in my life....I found that people I spoke to were constantly throwing quotes at me...things like "Always expect the unexpected" and "Have faith in yourself and everything you do"....These are two that have stuck.....there were plenty more....but what ended up happening, was that I used these quotes and analogies to build a belief system.....yes and we are now going back to a topic I touched on in my first post....my base of knowledge and beliefs, that enables me and also other people to feel secure in themselves....but still allows me to expand and grow....
Though right now this post seems to be about me so I will do it that way,....just know that other people have it...I know this because I have spoken about this with a few people...and anyway everybody has a favourite quote......
Anyway I have quite a few quotes, and beliefs that derive from those, that enables me to function as a sane human being....well relatively sane....lol...I use these quotes as a belief system to help me make the right choices and decisions in life....but there is also quotes that allow me to make mistakes...but to always remember to "learn from everything you do"...this is one in particular that allows it...." you gotta make choices be wrong or right, take responsibility for those choices whether the consequences are good or bad" This is a hard quote to live by because we all make stupid and even down right wrong decisions in our lives, but because of this quote and others, I have learned that the best way to be, is honest with your self and other's....to always accept that you have done something wrong, when you have and then do your best to fix it....Even though the easy way out would be to ignore, deny and just not accept, that you may be in the wrong...that is very easy to do....but not right.....
There are quotes that inspire me to be all I can be.....such as " If you can think it ...you can do it" also "Never give up" "Never stop trying...there is always a way"....these are the few that I can think of...off the top of my head...but they are quotes that drive me to do my best in any situation or project....
There are quotes that help me when I are feeling completely and utterly depressed and down, and that I use to help me out of tough times....like.."Adversity doesn't just build character, it reveals it" and " Life is not about how or why you fall....but how we are able to pick ourselves up after every time"...and recently some-one I know mentioned a quote that also fits in this category and I really felt it hit home...."You won't win every time, but if you don't fight you will always lose"....Also another one I recently discovered off somebody on Facebook..."Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.”
These are just some .....that help me get through tough moments....but remembering that this whole concept is all good and well to work with, but you have to have the will and drive to use it ....and also you have to take into consideration what types of quotes, people choose to live by, this is a huge thing....because not all quotes are good and helpful.....some can be destructive and just down right wrong.....so then you also have to take the variable of a persons personality and work it into this whole equation....maybe....this whole thing is just a sole belief of mine and I shouldn't encourage this....oh well it has taken me ages to write this up so too bad we are all stuck with this bizarre thought.....
Oh yeah and another problem with this is if you apply the wrong quote to a particular situation which can be done ...trust me...and then you in effect can make a huge mistake or a really wrong decision....what then....then you have to try and figure out how to apply another one to fix it....lol...Already got that one for ya...."The best you can do in any situation good or bad is...learn from it" "just more lessons learnt" or "what doesn't kill you, will only make you stronger" ....lol...But then I just have gone around full circle....I think I had better shut up I have completely lost track...of what I was saying....
I need to go and sleep on this one some more....be back later....
Just me....
When I was younger around 16/17 I had allot of crap going on in my life....I found that people I spoke to were constantly throwing quotes at me...things like "Always expect the unexpected" and "Have faith in yourself and everything you do"....These are two that have stuck.....there were plenty more....but what ended up happening, was that I used these quotes and analogies to build a belief system.....yes and we are now going back to a topic I touched on in my first post....my base of knowledge and beliefs, that enables me and also other people to feel secure in themselves....but still allows me to expand and grow....
Though right now this post seems to be about me so I will do it that way,....just know that other people have it...I know this because I have spoken about this with a few people...and anyway everybody has a favourite quote......
Anyway I have quite a few quotes, and beliefs that derive from those, that enables me to function as a sane human being....well relatively sane....lol...I use these quotes as a belief system to help me make the right choices and decisions in life....but there is also quotes that allow me to make mistakes...but to always remember to "learn from everything you do"...this is one in particular that allows it...." you gotta make choices be wrong or right, take responsibility for those choices whether the consequences are good or bad" This is a hard quote to live by because we all make stupid and even down right wrong decisions in our lives, but because of this quote and others, I have learned that the best way to be, is honest with your self and other's....to always accept that you have done something wrong, when you have and then do your best to fix it....Even though the easy way out would be to ignore, deny and just not accept, that you may be in the wrong...that is very easy to do....but not right.....
There are quotes that inspire me to be all I can be.....such as " If you can think it ...you can do it" also "Never give up" "Never stop trying...there is always a way"....these are the few that I can think of...off the top of my head...but they are quotes that drive me to do my best in any situation or project....
There are quotes that help me when I are feeling completely and utterly depressed and down, and that I use to help me out of tough times....like.."Adversity doesn't just build character, it reveals it" and " Life is not about how or why you fall....but how we are able to pick ourselves up after every time"...and recently some-one I know mentioned a quote that also fits in this category and I really felt it hit home...."You won't win every time, but if you don't fight you will always lose"....Also another one I recently discovered off somebody on Facebook..."Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.”
These are just some .....that help me get through tough moments....but remembering that this whole concept is all good and well to work with, but you have to have the will and drive to use it ....and also you have to take into consideration what types of quotes, people choose to live by, this is a huge thing....because not all quotes are good and helpful.....some can be destructive and just down right wrong.....so then you also have to take the variable of a persons personality and work it into this whole equation....maybe....this whole thing is just a sole belief of mine and I shouldn't encourage this....oh well it has taken me ages to write this up so too bad we are all stuck with this bizarre thought.....
Oh yeah and another problem with this is if you apply the wrong quote to a particular situation which can be done ...trust me...and then you in effect can make a huge mistake or a really wrong decision....what then....then you have to try and figure out how to apply another one to fix it....lol...Already got that one for ya...."The best you can do in any situation good or bad is...learn from it" "just more lessons learnt" or "what doesn't kill you, will only make you stronger" ....lol...But then I just have gone around full circle....I think I had better shut up I have completely lost track...of what I was saying....
I need to go and sleep on this one some more....be back later....
Just me....
And Quote.....
" The path that I'm walking I must walk alone,
I must take the baby steps until I'm full grown
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending...
do they....
and I forseek the dark ahead if I stay....."
Big girls don't cry
Fergie
I must take the baby steps until I'm full grown
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending...
do they....
and I forseek the dark ahead if I stay....."
Big girls don't cry
Fergie
Music...is it soul food????
YES....is my immediate answer...why is my next thought/question....well I feel it is able to reach an individual on many levels and in many different ways...I believe that the whole concept of music is beautiful, even magical....it doesn't matter what type of music wether I enjoy it or not...just the idea that sounds and words and rhythm's are able to effect your psyche.....or soul so deeply....is a very powerful thing.....Music is the language of love, the universal communicator, the out-let of deep human emotion.....it encompasses melody and emotion and yet it can be so mundane.....
Music is therapeutic, enlightening, enriching and uplifting.....it is a way of expression wether by actually creating it or by which type of music you listen to....
It's funny how a person is attracted to song's that have wording of similar situation's or feeling's that are currently, running through their minds and lives....And as life changes so does your tastes in music....but I believe like core beliefs you will always have a few particular core song's or genre's.....these are those songs that you will always enjoy, that will always stir you soul the same way every time....they never fade.....
I also love the way the wording to a song can help you, put into words emotions or thoughts that you've had trouble describing or defining.....in this way it is therapeutic....and also comforting because you know that what your feeling...some-one has felt before and they survived and moved on.....
I love how you can listen to music and it can energise you, as in the sense of dance music or music that you like to dance to.....I could feel absolutely lethargic but put some of this music on and I am dancing and cleaning and moving all around the house....lol...
Then on the same note you can listen to songs that make you feel empowered by your decisions and choices in life....because of the message that you get from some-one else's words....this is another reason that supports my belief that words are powerful.....
Anyway my chipboard is dry so enough musing for now
Catch ya
Music is therapeutic, enlightening, enriching and uplifting.....it is a way of expression wether by actually creating it or by which type of music you listen to....
It's funny how a person is attracted to song's that have wording of similar situation's or feeling's that are currently, running through their minds and lives....And as life changes so does your tastes in music....but I believe like core beliefs you will always have a few particular core song's or genre's.....these are those songs that you will always enjoy, that will always stir you soul the same way every time....they never fade.....
I also love the way the wording to a song can help you, put into words emotions or thoughts that you've had trouble describing or defining.....in this way it is therapeutic....and also comforting because you know that what your feeling...some-one has felt before and they survived and moved on.....
I love how you can listen to music and it can energise you, as in the sense of dance music or music that you like to dance to.....I could feel absolutely lethargic but put some of this music on and I am dancing and cleaning and moving all around the house....lol...
Then on the same note you can listen to songs that make you feel empowered by your decisions and choices in life....because of the message that you get from some-one else's words....this is another reason that supports my belief that words are powerful.....
Anyway my chipboard is dry so enough musing for now
Catch ya
Saturday, August 23, 2008
What is Happiness.....
I only bring this up because me and my dear cousin Ivone have nice long debates about wether happiness is real....yes you read right is is REAL.....is it an emotion or state of being....or a fantasy....and CAN you be trully happy......
Do you think that hapiness is brought upon by the way you feel or look at something or situations....I believe that happiness is something that people continuously strive for and only get brief and fleeting moments of it......Also, then how is hapiness defined....is it something that should be based on an overall view of your life or based on individual moments that make you feel content....but then wouldn't that be called contentment....
Is happiness something that is idealistic....an imaginary emotion, something that we hope feels like something we wish, we could feel like......really think about that......
Is happiness the long lost emotion, that at some stage we felt in our lives when something went right and there was pure joy at a conclusion or event.....but wouldn't that be classified as joy, excitement....or maybe accomplishment....
But then also isn't happiness something you feel when there is no other way of describing how you are feeling at a particular moment .....but you just feel HAPPY.....Ivone....I belive that happiness exists even if it is a figment of my imagination......lol....so in effect this whole topic was pointless because I already had my answer....but I hope it made some-one else think about theirs.....
lol.....
Do you think that hapiness is brought upon by the way you feel or look at something or situations....I believe that happiness is something that people continuously strive for and only get brief and fleeting moments of it......Also, then how is hapiness defined....is it something that should be based on an overall view of your life or based on individual moments that make you feel content....but then wouldn't that be called contentment....
Is happiness something that is idealistic....an imaginary emotion, something that we hope feels like something we wish, we could feel like......really think about that......
Is happiness the long lost emotion, that at some stage we felt in our lives when something went right and there was pure joy at a conclusion or event.....but wouldn't that be classified as joy, excitement....or maybe accomplishment....
But then also isn't happiness something you feel when there is no other way of describing how you are feeling at a particular moment .....but you just feel HAPPY.....Ivone....I belive that happiness exists even if it is a figment of my imagination......lol....so in effect this whole topic was pointless because I already had my answer....but I hope it made some-one else think about theirs.....
lol.....
What is LOVE....
Yes that word, that 4 letter word that is so powerful, yet used so carelessly.....Love wow what an emotion.....The use of that word is used to often ....and in effect it can loose it's power.....
I believe that in life their are a variety of different types of loves.....
One is the the love a parent feels for their child.....Now to clarify a couple of things before I go on.....I realize that their are exceptions to what I am about to write and I understand that some people are just not fit to be parents....also I am writing solely based on my experiences as a mother of two and so what I feel, is based on that and also a collective of various peoples views as well.....
Ok so the love a parent feels for their child is eternal, unconditional, unyielding and incalculable,
the type of of love I feel for my children drives every breathe in my life....before I became a mother my life was all about me and the people around me, I never had to put any-one first, if I did it was a conscious choice, born out a need to be considerate, when I became a mother, the very moment Cody was born was like a switch over, of what my life was driven by, previously as a sole individual I was driven by my own needs, desires, wants or whims....But as a mother it has became all about Cody and now Anthony too, their needs, their wants, their desires, their safety and their lives....
They rely on me to live (what a concept....did you know that the human being is the only species that requires many, many years of constant support and care for survival......)(no other animal needs as much care or nurture as does a human being)
anyway as I was saying they need me, they are dependent on both their parents, to live.....and become emotionally stable and physically fit.....this alone has made my whole thought process change, my drives are not about what I want, but what is best for the children.....As a mother I put them first and foremost in my life and I believe that is, what is right.........I am not stupid I do also realise that self preservation and sanity are extremely important.....I have to have time to be me and to do things for myself, otherwise one can can loose themselves very easily, and one of the biggest lessons you can teach your child is always respect yourself and your values in life, because if you don't have that then what's to work towards, in the end......and if I am not healthy and whole ..... how am I supposed to able to be their for my kids.....
I also realise that their is such a thing as to much love.....and I don't mean that in a sick perverted way either......I believe that it is possible that (not just in this type of love, but in all of them) that you can love to much that it becomes obsessive and overly protective, and in effect can create a situation's where you can cause more damage than good.....
you've all read the stories of these situations ....I am sure....
Anyway....the other and most obvious type of love is the love that is shared between a man and woman.....this is an entirely altogether different type of love.....it in itself can be extremely intense, passionate, volatile, all encompassing yet strangely unreal, and it can also be eternal and incalculable....I don't think that it is unconditional, because when you fall in love with a person you fall in love with the person they are then and not what they can become.....and sometimes what a person becomes is not really all that lovable ....so the love can fade and change until it's not their anymore.....I believe that this love is one that has to be worked on constantly it should not be left to die, because it is rare in life that you find true love, but I believe that once you have been touched by it ....you will never forget what it feels like.....
Also their are stages in this type of love and that is normal....for the first year or maybe two it is what I call in the head over heels type love where nothing is wrong and everything is right....in a sense...lol...(give me a break this all very complicated and hard to put into words) Then there is the stage where your love matures into comfort, stability and security, this is the stage that I believe that patterns of behaviour and new skills of maintaining the love that two people share should be developed, this is where if the couple is serious should start making concerted efforts and plans for long term love maintenance......so that the love never fails ....
Anyway.... now I am going to try and talk about what makes love work in my mind....well the key factors that are required to sustain a long term love relationship......
*Respect
*Honesty
*Communication
*Compassion
*Understanding
*Trust
*At least a few things in common
*A connection
*Obviously sexual desire or attraction
*Complimentary Values.....not necessarily the same but at the least complimentary
Is it a wonder why it is so hard to find that perfect love or dare I say soul mate.....I think if you have more of these thing's than you don't, I feel that you can compromise, but if you have less of these things than you do ...a person in this type of relationship will never be happy......
Well these are a few of my musings on the subject of LOVE......what a complicated yet exhilarating emotion.....
.........................
I believe that in life their are a variety of different types of loves.....
One is the the love a parent feels for their child.....Now to clarify a couple of things before I go on.....I realize that their are exceptions to what I am about to write and I understand that some people are just not fit to be parents....also I am writing solely based on my experiences as a mother of two and so what I feel, is based on that and also a collective of various peoples views as well.....
Ok so the love a parent feels for their child is eternal, unconditional, unyielding and incalculable,
the type of of love I feel for my children drives every breathe in my life....before I became a mother my life was all about me and the people around me, I never had to put any-one first, if I did it was a conscious choice, born out a need to be considerate, when I became a mother, the very moment Cody was born was like a switch over, of what my life was driven by, previously as a sole individual I was driven by my own needs, desires, wants or whims....But as a mother it has became all about Cody and now Anthony too, their needs, their wants, their desires, their safety and their lives....
They rely on me to live (what a concept....did you know that the human being is the only species that requires many, many years of constant support and care for survival......)(no other animal needs as much care or nurture as does a human being)
anyway as I was saying they need me, they are dependent on both their parents, to live.....and become emotionally stable and physically fit.....this alone has made my whole thought process change, my drives are not about what I want, but what is best for the children.....As a mother I put them first and foremost in my life and I believe that is, what is right.........I am not stupid I do also realise that self preservation and sanity are extremely important.....I have to have time to be me and to do things for myself, otherwise one can can loose themselves very easily, and one of the biggest lessons you can teach your child is always respect yourself and your values in life, because if you don't have that then what's to work towards, in the end......and if I am not healthy and whole ..... how am I supposed to able to be their for my kids.....
I also realise that their is such a thing as to much love.....and I don't mean that in a sick perverted way either......I believe that it is possible that (not just in this type of love, but in all of them) that you can love to much that it becomes obsessive and overly protective, and in effect can create a situation's where you can cause more damage than good.....
you've all read the stories of these situations ....I am sure....
Anyway....the other and most obvious type of love is the love that is shared between a man and woman.....this is an entirely altogether different type of love.....it in itself can be extremely intense, passionate, volatile, all encompassing yet strangely unreal, and it can also be eternal and incalculable....I don't think that it is unconditional, because when you fall in love with a person you fall in love with the person they are then and not what they can become.....and sometimes what a person becomes is not really all that lovable ....so the love can fade and change until it's not their anymore.....I believe that this love is one that has to be worked on constantly it should not be left to die, because it is rare in life that you find true love, but I believe that once you have been touched by it ....you will never forget what it feels like.....
Also their are stages in this type of love and that is normal....for the first year or maybe two it is what I call in the head over heels type love where nothing is wrong and everything is right....in a sense...lol...(give me a break this all very complicated and hard to put into words) Then there is the stage where your love matures into comfort, stability and security, this is the stage that I believe that patterns of behaviour and new skills of maintaining the love that two people share should be developed, this is where if the couple is serious should start making concerted efforts and plans for long term love maintenance......so that the love never fails ....
Anyway.... now I am going to try and talk about what makes love work in my mind....well the key factors that are required to sustain a long term love relationship......
*Respect
*Honesty
*Communication
*Compassion
*Understanding
*Trust
*At least a few things in common
*A connection
*Obviously sexual desire or attraction
*Complimentary Values.....not necessarily the same but at the least complimentary
Is it a wonder why it is so hard to find that perfect love or dare I say soul mate.....I think if you have more of these thing's than you don't, I feel that you can compromise, but if you have less of these things than you do ...a person in this type of relationship will never be happy......
Well these are a few of my musings on the subject of LOVE......what a complicated yet exhilarating emotion.....
.........................
Life
Ok so here I go....
I believe that in life, there are three types of people....
The first are those who live in the their own little worlds, their own little box and are quite happy or comfortable with that, they do not question how or why things are the way they are....In their minds things are the way they are so why bother......Though I can understand, that this type of behaviour or trait could be born out of a necessity to feel secure, and once a certain amount of comfort or security is reached in these peoples lives ....they do not feel the need to continue to learn or expand more and they relax and get comfortable....
The second is the type of person who is always questioning always looking outside the box.... they are always wondering always thinking never relaxing or wanting to settle for to long, always wanting to try something new and in effect always on the move...these I suppose are the people that accomplish things in life, who discover the firsts in life, the inventors....these people I feel, would be very comfortable with themselves as a whole, and would not feel the need, to feel constantly secure of their place in the great big scheme of things...these people love to explore new ideas, and are constantly questioning what and where and how things came and come about.........why you ask do these people live like this or think like this well I think it's because they are one naturally curious, two maybe they do deep inside not feel secure, and they question and wonder about everything ....because they want to know why they are here in the first place...what reason for being is there...what is life and why are they a part of it.....maybe....maybe....
The third is a little of column A and a little of column B....the happy medium as I call it...and I only say that because that is where I am placed I think.....These people tend to like to feel secure in their lives and know that their box is their and they are safe in it....but they also always question, always trying to learn, never ceasing to wonder what is out there or why, what is out there is out there...yet they are happy to return to there comfortable boxes when they have had enough for a while.....they like to discover but also like to know that if all else fails they have something to go back too, their comfort zone as I like to call it...a base of knowledge that enables a person to be content with their surrounding's... but also enables them to be able to continue questioning.....when they feel the need....This base of knowledge has to be that general and yet that specific that they never feel closed in by it's limitations....but can still explore and discover at their own free will....
Now I realize that this is all a little deep but yeah so what that's me....
Enjoy pondering this because I do......
I believe that in life, there are three types of people....
The first are those who live in the their own little worlds, their own little box and are quite happy or comfortable with that, they do not question how or why things are the way they are....In their minds things are the way they are so why bother......Though I can understand, that this type of behaviour or trait could be born out of a necessity to feel secure, and once a certain amount of comfort or security is reached in these peoples lives ....they do not feel the need to continue to learn or expand more and they relax and get comfortable....
The second is the type of person who is always questioning always looking outside the box.... they are always wondering always thinking never relaxing or wanting to settle for to long, always wanting to try something new and in effect always on the move...these I suppose are the people that accomplish things in life, who discover the firsts in life, the inventors....these people I feel, would be very comfortable with themselves as a whole, and would not feel the need, to feel constantly secure of their place in the great big scheme of things...these people love to explore new ideas, and are constantly questioning what and where and how things came and come about.........why you ask do these people live like this or think like this well I think it's because they are one naturally curious, two maybe they do deep inside not feel secure, and they question and wonder about everything ....because they want to know why they are here in the first place...what reason for being is there...what is life and why are they a part of it.....maybe....maybe....
The third is a little of column A and a little of column B....the happy medium as I call it...and I only say that because that is where I am placed I think.....These people tend to like to feel secure in their lives and know that their box is their and they are safe in it....but they also always question, always trying to learn, never ceasing to wonder what is out there or why, what is out there is out there...yet they are happy to return to there comfortable boxes when they have had enough for a while.....they like to discover but also like to know that if all else fails they have something to go back too, their comfort zone as I like to call it...a base of knowledge that enables a person to be content with their surrounding's... but also enables them to be able to continue questioning.....when they feel the need....This base of knowledge has to be that general and yet that specific that they never feel closed in by it's limitations....but can still explore and discover at their own free will....
Now I realize that this is all a little deep but yeah so what that's me....
Enjoy pondering this because I do......
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