Ok so the past.....

Ok so yesterday I posted a question about why I let memories get to me....and thinking about that answer I came t o this.....

Your past is a part of you for better or worse...your past is what has made you who are today...it all effects you for better or worse, but the choice comes in where you have to decide to change what has happened into a good or bad influence in your life....I have made the choice long ago that everything that has ever happened in my life I was going to turn into a good or helpful lessons....try and turn it all around and make a conscious effort to believe that everything bad that has ever happened to me, has happened for a reason and that in the end it has all made me a stronger person...this has worked....it has definitely made me a stronger person...but some-days and they are few and far between now, the actual horribleness of each and every individual memory is relived or re-remembered ....with-out the silver lining.....and if your not careful they can swallow up your will..... I am more prone to these days if I am stressed or just generally not feeling good about myself....I have noticed...so now I will try and remember that on these days distraction is the best key....

I also want to touch on a related subject ...it just astounds me how powerful your memories are....I know that in my life there is allot that I consciously suppressed and there's even more that my mind did all on it's own....The stuff that I consciously suppressed I have let loose quite a few years ago when I had a year and half of consoling, this was the best thing that I have ever done for myself....the clarity, the maturity, the lessons that were formed in that time has shaped and amazed me beyond anything that I could put into words.....
Now the stuff that my mind unconsciously suppressed is a different story this stuff doesn't come back just because I willing to remember it or because I am ready to deal with what ever it is.....this stuff comes back when ever it feels like....It's like this stuff waits until you've reached and removed certain road blocks in your life or mind and then decides that it feels you are ready to handle it .....So in effect you could be perfectly content and then BAM some memory plays itself out in your mind. This is and can cause quite a shock to the system...but I must say that this has never happened when I couldn't handle it or wasn't prepared to deal with it, I have never found that I couldn't deal with it....so maybe my mind is allot more deeper than even I could possibly try and imagine......

WOW UNRELATED - THOUGHT/MIND LAYERS......,..

It does take me a while though, first I acknowledge that these things happened otherwise how could I remember it...then in a process that can take anywhere from an hour to even months...I think about these relevations and then anylise them ...then once I am in a sense over it ...I either decide to use it or not....in the sense of, are they really relevent to my life at the present and can I learn from it...or is it really not that important, and trying to deal with it outwardly may cause more damage than good......
So anyway these are just a few of my musings on this subject, there is alot more but for now this will suffice in my mind....to answer that Question...about why people and memories are able to affect me so badly.......

gotta take Cody to pre-school...catch ya