When I try and picture what the mind is, all I can get is this massive mass that floats around with us....lol....obviously that is not the way it is but because of the power the mind has it seems like a massive and huge "thing"....But in reality it is part of us and is what makes us function....in every way, it controls our personalities...(though that's to be debated at a later date), also it makes our physical being function accordingly and appropriately, it allows us to feel and think and be productive with everything it controls...which is I suppose is also our will ...now weather the heart or mind controls this aspect of our being's, is part of the debate that I will touch on at a later date.....anyway the reason I am writing this post is because earlier I spoke about mind layers in regards to core beliefs....but this time I want to talk about a separate set of layers....yes separate......told you the mind was complex.....anyway, what I want to discuss is 3 layers that run simultaneously and they make up our emotion process, well mine anyway.....lately with everything that's been going on I am finding that I am switching between the three and it's a little bit disconcerting to say the least, because usually they follow this pattern,
One ........emotion, feelings, random thoughts...(red)...then comes the analysis and reflection of these...(blue)....then comes the reasoning, rationalisation and perspective...(Green)......this thought process usually works quite efficiently and I think that most people function on this with out even being aware of it....but since my break down 8/9 years ago I learnt how I work and this is one of the things I learnt and have used since....I have used paint again so that it can help you visualise what I mean....
Lately though and this is why I am bringing this up, I have had to think about this again, and try and get it back under control....I have been jumping between the three so that my moods are governed by each layer.....I am not just following the pattern but going back and forth so that I can't get to and stay on the third layer...(green) for long enough to be able to gain perspective or even try and stay focused on my reasoning.....this is very annoying to say the least.....I also am aware that this can happen sometimes in life but it's frustrating, because right now I need to be able to get to that green level and stay there......because I am finding myself feeling lost in this situation.....and that's not on....I have allot to do and to think about and these feelings and thoughts are distracting, even though I knew they were going to be part of the bargain...But the problem is coming in where I know what I have to do and where I have to get to, and also whats involved, all of it....but I don't think I took into consideration how taxing my emotions were going to be.....
I am finding that my emotions and feelings are ruling me right now and that is not good because I don't have time for this shit......my analysis of these thought and feelings is even more consuming and I am at least gaining some ground there....but I am finding that I can't gain the perspective that I need to keep going......I don't think that I have enough time with my thoughts to be able to do this....I think I need to get away from this for a while, soon, and be by myself for more than an hour.....every time I get to the green I get distracted and then bam new emotions hit and then it starts all over again.....so yes I think I need to get away, the question is how and when.....I know that I will be going to the gym allot soon maybe that might be enough for now.....a few hours alone might be all I need.....though a weekend would be great...mmmmm thinking......So this is another area and complexity of the mind that you must take into consideration if you are wanting to explore yourself.....lol...that didn't sound right....oh well deal with it....lmao...
Ok so in saying all of this I realise that you are probably thinking, what is she basing this all on..... I will tell you "me" that's what.....I have no evidence to support any of my theories, I don't know the exact terminology for anything that I have touched on in any of my posts.....so in essence I could be full of crap...and be completely back ward......
But I never said that I was going to give factual evidence or proof, I did say that this blog is about me and my musings, my thought's and for my mind.......so I am basing everything I write about, on myself and everything I have been through.....especially the period of my life when I broke down completely and I had to regrow my mind or rebuild myself from scratch in other wards..... I learnt allot about life, the mind, myself and how I work...... I learnt how be me and be aware of it all because before then, I just was....now I am me with a purpose, with the knowledge of how to be me......not many people get there you know....I have had two counselors tell me that it is an extraordinary gift or ability to be able to rationalise on such deep levels......I suppose I agree in a way, but it is and can be extremely draining.....especially when you have allot of other shit going on, that you have to be able to think about...... Though when I don't I don't usually get this deep, I like to keep things neutral and easy generally and only get deep and meaningful when I am in the mood.....and I am not in the mood......but I am in a stage of life where I have to because I can and I know I need too..... I am in a sense rebuilding my thought beliefs and processes so that I am can be fully independent on myself for everything again.....aaaahhhh that felt good a moment of clarity and bingo I have some perspective...wooohoo....sorry I needed that thought really badly.....it's what I have been trying to identify with since yesterday....all good....
Sorry about that....lol...now I lost hat I was saying because that thought has just opened up some more....so I might get going.....because I have realised that I am rambling a bit.....so check ya's out ...enjoy this thought people....because it's driving me insane at the moment....lol...jk's...
Bye
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